... To my vices

So...i quit smoking...fuck...i gave my mum my last few to throw away as a symbolic gesture of my commitment. she didn't get it...
Its been coming on for a few days now. It started after i ashed a cigarette in fresh pure white snow. I let it fall from my fingers while i was talking to a few people at the shelter by Cwing. I took notice of where it fell in the snow before i left liking how it melted the snow around it before becoming part of Sheridan's litter problem. A good time later i decided to come back out for another and walking back to the spot i was at before i noticed that the butt i had dropped earlier was now surrounded by a large hallow of yellow joined by several others deposited by my fellow smokers.
it goes with out saying that i was very surprised and disgusted. I always knew smoking was bad for you but seeing it stain the pure white snow just sitting there had a larger effect on my than any pamphlet or lecture.
the straw that broke the camels back came this morning. after id woken up, dressed i moved to the window to wait until i had to leave. just a whim nothing else. i looked down and saw my hands stained yellow. at first i decided that i must have spilled something a vivid yellowish brown but after scrubbing for a quarter of an hour i had to accept the fact that my hands were stained with nicotine. the darkest stains and the most damaged skin around the two fingers on my right hand and on the back of my hands, knuckles and thumb that looked like smoke tendrils.
i don't think myself very vain but it really effected me.
...so now....im trying to whiten my teeth....just for something to do....
i cheaped out and bought an off brand tooth paste for 8 dollars. i only just opened it, it was half empty. i reminded me of those lays potato chips with over 50% air in the bags. and it made my gums bleed
....fuck....i want to smoke....